Apologies in the Infinitive

I write this down not out of hate or arrogance or blame or whatever other reason that falls within the narrow-mindedness of your immaturity. I write this down out of honesty and longing. That you have allowed me into your lives, I am grateful for but that I have allowed you into mine, I am now doubting myself for. I am tired. Exhausted. Burnt-out. Bored and just not interested. I am tired of shallowness, I've had too much of it in days past my adolescence; I am exhausted from the responsibilities of my own life, too exhausted, for me to just sit and wait for you to drop yours on me. I am burnt-out by the energy-draining daily routine of mediocrity. I wish for a life beyond that and that is what I am still even in this institution for. I need to believe that that can, and will happen for me. Otherwise, I see no reason for me to be at wit's end on a daily basis. I am bored. Your childish rants and demeaning activities do not interest me. I worry about things beyond even my self. Unlike you, I can not, for the life of me, put those things on hold for mere pleasure and enjoyment. I long for the same faithful companionship that my solitude has given me, for the same comfort and peace of mind that those desolate nights have blessed me with, for the same quiet that I now only experience at that hour after you- the rest of the world, has gone off to rest your weary bodies to get through another day of nothingness. For saying this, accept my apology. Spite me. Hate me. Kill me, if you must. But live in me forever for I love you, I do. I love everything about you that hurts... So if ever you trusted me, be it now, this very moment that I tell you- Damn you. Your pain is mine. You've let me in just as I have let you. What you bear, I suffer twice as much. So you see, I've no choice. I've none... except to cut the cord that sources my life from yours and yours from mine. So, be with me and love me, live for what I live for... or just hand me the godamn cutter!